Blog #10: "Dream Child; A Reverie" Thesis Statement Revision

DIRECTIONS:

1.        Copy and paste the following prompt:

Carefully read the passage from “Dream Child; a Reverie,” paying special attention to descriptive details and sentence structure. Then, write an essay in which you analyze how Charles Lamb’s style contributes to his portrayal of his “dream children,” his grandmother, and his own childhood.

(ANALYZE: Break down something methodically into its parts. Deconstruct.  Examine)

2.       Type your thesis statement on your Scan-Tron into this window. Do not try to revise or change it yet.  Type it as is.

The “Dream Children,” by Charles Lamb, represents an individual’s struggle for understanding as well as tension between the ideal and the real. The narrator has so much to say about his past, yet no one is around to hear his stories. By telling his stories he is hoping someone is listening and imagining his audience of the ‘dream children’ are real.

3.       Copy and paste the following list into this window. Answer the following “Yes” or “No”

ARGUMENT/FOCUS   

__Yes_ Does my thesis statement address each part of the essay question?

__Yes_ Is the point I'm making one that would generate discussion and argument, or is it one

that would leave people asking, “So what?"

__Yes_ Have I focused on an interesting contradiction, tension or paradox between two things?

Example: “Although the escalation of violence in John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men eventually results in two deaths, it is through violence that compassion is revealed when George, in a violent but merciful act, saves Lenny from cruel mob justice.”

__No_ Is my thesis too vague? Too general? Should I focus on some more specific aspect of my

topic?

__Yes_ Does my thesis deal directly with the topic at hand, or is it a declaration of my personal

feelings (“I think”/ “I feel” statements)?

LANGUAGE

_Yes__ Does my thesis indicate the direction of my argument? Does it suggest a structure for

my paper?

_No_ Is the language in my thesis vivid and clear? Have I structured my sentence so that the

important information is in the main clause? Have I used subordinate clauses to

house less important information? Have I used parallelism to show the relationship

between parts of my thesis? In short, is this thesis the very best sentence that it can be?

_Yes__ Is the thesis statement written as a complex sentence?

4.       Revise your thesis statement so that it reflects a COMPLEX IDEA in a COMPLEX SENTENCE. Post your revised thesis statement in the same window.

The “Dream Children,” by Charles Lamb, represents an individual’s struggle for understanding as well as tension between reality and fiction as the narrator has so much to say about his past, yet no one is around to hear him. By telling his stories, he is hoping someone is listening and thinks his audience of children are real.

5.        Write a couple of sentences telling me specifically what you changed in your revision process. Post in the same window. Save Blog Post.

There wasn’t much to be changed besides changing the thesis around as it was too general on the subject and the language so that it made sense as it was read. The changes I have made to my thesis statement was by merging the original first and second sentence into one. Replacing the words ‘real’ and ‘ideal’ with ‘reality’ and ‘fiction’ for better word choice. There was also replacing some wording in the third original sentence by changing “...hoping someone is listening and imagining his audience of the ‘dream children’ are real.” to “…hoping someone is listening and thinks his audience of children are real.” Those are the changes that were made to my thesis statement.

6.  

Blog Post #9: Grammar Boot Camp

Peter K.

Bell 7

10/24/14

Category	Total Possible	Test 1	Total Possible	Test 2
Finding subjects and verbs in simple sentences	10	10	15	14
Making subjects and verbs agree	10	7	15	15
Correcting the fragment in simple sentences	10	7	15	12
Combining sentences using the three methods of coordination	10	10	15	15
Combining sentences using subordination	15	13	10	10
Correcting the run on	15	12	15	14
Choosing the correct pronoun form	15	13	15	15
Choosing the correct verb form	15	11	15	14
Using correct capitalization and punctuation	15	15	15	15
Choosing the correct word	15	14	15	15
Choosing the correct form of the irregular verb	10	10	15	15

Reflection #1

The assignment was to complete the first test out of the 11 categories provided. Each test was to examine and show us what we know and may not know about proper grammar. Despite, this being a solo project, instead of our usual Google Document group assignments, it went smoother than I hoped. Overall, after completing each category, I feel I have gained some knowledge, remembered a few important details from previous years, and learned from past mistakes in my grammar. There were some parts of each category I went back to over the weekend before trying out the category just to refresh my mind. Working on my own also shows what my capabilities are without a group to that could interfere with our potential. There are things I have to admit though, there were a few cases with the verb categories and correcting the run on category that I some trouble with, but the mistakes one person can make however, can be changed as long as you learn from them. I view my results to keep expanding my mind to get better at the use of grammar so I can do better the next time I take a test like these.

Reflection #2

The next assignment was to re-take the tests in the second category provided. The second column was to see how much we have improved or need improving on out of the 11 sections. As I have mentioned in my first reflection, I view my results to keep expanding my mind to get better at the use of grammar so I can do better the next time I take a test like these. By following that message, after I took the second test for each category, I did better than the first one. There are still categories I need to work on, such as ‘Correcting the fragment in simple sentences’ and ‘Choosing the correct verb form’ categories. Despite the improvement in grades, for the verbs and sentence structure is was luck that the knowledge I have gained from over the weekend was still fresh in my head and helped me improve my scores. I still want to improve my scores so before we take a test like this again to make sure I can still understand the material. For a project I’ll make sure to check if my grammar and proper word choice flow smoothly.

Blog Post #8.5: Storyboard Template

Blog Post #8: Getting Back to our Roots Presentation

Blog Post #7: Pan’s Labyrinth Mise-en-Scene Analysis

Setting and Props

The labyrinth, mysterious and spooky at night, yet the death of a hero (Ofelia), gives the maze a dark and cold mood. Though it becomes a bright and warm mood as we reach the kingdom Ofelia dreamed of. Ofelia’s blood helped her achieve the goal of becoming a princess. The thrones are high in the air, and she is asked to sit with them and rule at their side, almost like the white light some would see above them before they move on.

Costumes, Hair, and Make-up

Ofelia and Mercedes are both dressed as what women would have worn during the Spanish Civil War showing the authenticity of the time period in Spain. The gunshot wound on Ofelia keeps dripping her ‘blood’ into the portal and keeps doing so until she passes on. When she drifts into her fantasy world she is no longer dirty, wounded, or covered in blood, but dressed in attire with red, yellow, and a light brown colors. The king and queen are also dressed in similar fashion of autumn colors.

Facial Expressions and Body Language

As we enter the scene we find Mercedes, terrified and unhappy that Ofelia was wounded and Mercedes may have been too late. She kneels towards the body and holds her hand to give Ofelia a little bit of comfort. Ofelia carries a blank look on her face as she stares at nothing, while her other arm reaches into the portal and drips her blood to the supposed portal. As we reach the throne room we find her surprised that she still got to go to the kingdom. As the faun appears, we see he is still loyal to the royal family as he bows in respect of the princess, and answers the last task was a trick, as the king and queen give off signals to come and join them on her own throne.  As she drifts in and out of the fantasy world, her blank look becomes a small smile as she has ‘found’ what she was looking for and dies with that smile on her face, leaving Mercedes devastated that she could not help save one last person.

Lighting and Color

The labyrinth lighting was supposed to take place in the middle of the night, with only the light of the moon and the stars to see the characters. This also applies to the dark and depressing mood of the story as the visible color were dark colors and the light from the moon made everyone appear to be pale as ghosts. As the bright light enveloped Ofelia, the mood was suddenly changed to a warm and happy mood. The dark colors became a golden yellow and other autumn colors as Ofelia entered her kingdom. The change in lighting and color affects the mood of the viewer, even though it's just a film, you can't help but feel sorry for someone who died so young and believed there was magic in the world.

Positioning of Characters/ Objects within the Frame

As we enter the labyrinth we see a medium shot of Mercedes as it moves out towards a long shot and we see Ofelia’s body. Mercedes is kneeling besides her and holding her hand and trying to keep her alive until help arrives. The camera closes in on her and then her hand, dripping with blood. The camera then gets a mixture of a high angle shot and point of view shot as the blood drips into the ‘portal’. As we move on to the next scene, where we find a medium shot of Ofelia, and then slowly becomes a long shot as we see her transformed into the princess. Ofelia meets her true family as the camera gives low angle shots of her and her parents that give the look of ‘high authority’ as they ask her to join them on the tall thrones. It’s as if when she was close to dying she looked up to see a light and was beckoned towards it. Then we find Mercedes still kneeling besides Ofelia, as she goes limp, and the camera backs up to a high angle shot, signifying the end of Ofelia’s journey.