Blog #10: "Dream Child; A Reverie" Thesis Statement Revision

DIRECTIONS:

1.        Copy and paste the following prompt:

Carefully read the passage from “Dream Child; a Reverie,” paying special attention to descriptive details and sentence structure. Then, write an essay in which you analyze how Charles Lamb’s style contributes to his portrayal of his “dream children,” his grandmother, and his own childhood.

(ANALYZE: Break down something methodically into its parts. Deconstruct.  Examine)

2.       Type your thesis statement on your Scan-Tron into this window. Do not try to revise or change it yet.  Type it as is.

The “Dream Children,” by Charles Lamb, represents an individual’s struggle for understanding as well as tension between the ideal and the real. The narrator has so much to say about his past, yet no one is around to hear his stories. By telling his stories he is hoping someone is listening and imagining his audience of the ‘dream children’ are real.

3.       Copy and paste the following list into this window. Answer the following “Yes” or “No”

ARGUMENT/FOCUS   

__Yes_ Does my thesis statement address each part of the essay question?

__Yes_ Is the point I'm making one that would generate discussion and argument, or is it one

that would leave people asking, “So what?"

__Yes_ Have I focused on an interesting contradiction, tension or paradox between two things?

Example: “Although the escalation of violence in John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men eventually results in two deaths, it is through violence that compassion is revealed when George, in a violent but merciful act, saves Lenny from cruel mob justice.”

__No_ Is my thesis too vague? Too general? Should I focus on some more specific aspect of my

topic?

__Yes_ Does my thesis deal directly with the topic at hand, or is it a declaration of my personal

feelings (“I think”/ “I feel” statements)?

LANGUAGE

_Yes__ Does my thesis indicate the direction of my argument? Does it suggest a structure for

my paper?

_No_ Is the language in my thesis vivid and clear? Have I structured my sentence so that the

important information is in the main clause? Have I used subordinate clauses to

house less important information? Have I used parallelism to show the relationship

between parts of my thesis? In short, is this thesis the very best sentence that it can be?

_Yes__ Is the thesis statement written as a complex sentence?

4.       Revise your thesis statement so that it reflects a COMPLEX IDEA in a COMPLEX SENTENCE. Post your revised thesis statement in the same window.

The “Dream Children,” by Charles Lamb, represents an individual’s struggle for understanding as well as tension between reality and fiction as the narrator has so much to say about his past, yet no one is around to hear him. By telling his stories, he is hoping someone is listening and thinks his audience of children are real.

5.        Write a couple of sentences telling me specifically what you changed in your revision process. Post in the same window. Save Blog Post.

There wasn’t much to be changed besides changing the thesis around as it was too general on the subject and the language so that it made sense as it was read. The changes I have made to my thesis statement was by merging the original first and second sentence into one. Replacing the words ‘real’ and ‘ideal’ with ‘reality’ and ‘fiction’ for better word choice. There was also replacing some wording in the third original sentence by changing “...hoping someone is listening and imagining his audience of the ‘dream children’ are real.” to “…hoping someone is listening and thinks his audience of children are real.” Those are the changes that were made to my thesis statement.

6.